Addiction

Woke up had my morning coffee with a couple of cigs.

Love sitting on my porch in the morning

During  my early morning workout I realized I have an addictive  personality, just haven’t lumped it all in.

My workout area
My home gym
yessa
4 am workout

I’m addicted to food, cigarettes and impulsive spending with my credit cards especially (like those 150$ wireless buds that I didn’t need.)

Wireless earbuds
Have to return these suckers

All the more I realized a need for change in my life! I’ve been battling those 3 demons separately and somehow I need to battle it as one, ADDICTION.

This is very hard to admit as I’m a strong independent woman. I believe the addiction stems from early on, as a way to push other traumas and feelings out.

This new life is fucking hard work!

I can do it  I will do it I am doing it!

I deserve it

I’M WORTH IT! These are the words I HAVE to keep telling myself. I’m worth having the life I’ve worked hard for and not to sabatoge it.

I have so much on my mind, but I know I can work through it.

Make it a great day!

Smile always let them see you smile 😀 it helps you and helps others!

 

 

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Moving forward & Working for it

Smoking has been and is a huge part of my life.

I quit for 3 weeks then smoked a couple  of packs. Stopped for 3 days then bought a couple of packs. See where this is going?

As I write this I’m chewing nicotine gum.  It’s a new day and no cigarettes left.

Speaking of a new day, I had to block my ex last night. He’s an ex for a reason. I’m moving forward!

I need to start doing things differently in my life, so not to keep making the same mistakes like letting old friends (like my ex and shitty cigarettes) creep back in.

Its hard but every day I take a step to move forward…For some reason I sabatoge myself; because I know this, recovery comes sooner than later.

I am a strong woman 💪

I can do it. I will do it. I am doing it!

Make it a grea day! ☀️

 

Sunday

No workout this morning but worked my second job so got some steps in.

Fitbit Sunday
I will take it

 

Ate light through out the day but then had kfc. No cigarettes. Why am I craving? It’s 3 weeks today. Blah blah. I’m fighting this shit! 🚭

MyNetDiary
Will take it.. for now.

 

Slipped

I slipped this evening and had 4 cigs. But for my psyche I can’t count it as starting over again. Why did I do it? Habit. Loneliness. I’m lonely. I don’t like to talk much about my personal life but there it is.

On a good note I exercised! Got my steps in! Gooaalll!!

fitbit goal
Goal!

 

I have a stomachache because of the shitty gorge from last night; so didn’t eat all calories today.

mynet diary- Saturday
Saturday calories

Day 13

30 min workout done 💪

Fitbit 1 Saturday  morning
30 min weight training with light cardio 💪

feeling bloated this morning. Why? As I’m watching tv last night I had this over whelming urge to smoke! Ughh, I didn’t. I went to my second vice… junk food! Pint of Ben n Jerry’s ice cream with peanut mms. Yep! I did but you know what I’m def not beating myself up. Why? Because normally, A short 3 weeks ago, I would have smoked and ate that sugar shit food! So I’m doing it!!

9B137CDD-979B-4EF3-AF15-56927D309F86

Tuesday recap

I’m changing my life!

 

Had a great day at work. I feel good today 😊👍

– Took my collagen peptides and tumeric this morning, with my coffee of course.

– bought some over the counter iron,  SlowFE , because of my IBS. Will start with 1 pill every other day.

– been cigarette free for over 2 weeks! 👊

 

Here are my stats

Total calories - MyNetDiary
Total

 

Total - Fitbit
Total steps

 

I CAN DO IT, I WILL DO IT, I AM DOING IT!

Day 3 Recap

Stats aren’t great but aren’t bad either.

I missed my workout this morning and I believe it had a small, neg impact on my day.

With that being said I look forward to my workout tomorrow morning. (Ok not as much as I should be lol, my friend isn’t being kind).

1st day not wearing a patch since I quit smoking over a week ago. It was fine!

Working on quitting the nicotine gum now.

Bed early tonight! 🌙

 

Nicotine

My blood sugars have been higher than usual- I took off the nictotine patch as nicotine raises my blood sugars.

My BS was 165 post lunch. I know they have been higher past few weeks but I’m working on lowering my sugar levels! I use my net diary to count calories and macro nutrients. I get a ball park figure on my carbs.  It’s a great app!

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Anyway back to the nicotine… I used the patch for a week and with my determination, I don’t see the need to keep continuing. I have quit cold turkey in the past and the first week was always the worst. I’ve gone back to smoking because I wanted to… I missed it. IT was my best friend. No more! I’M my new best friend!

Looking forward to lower boood sugars and better health! One meal, day, and habit at a time. I can do it!